It’s 2017 and everyone wants to brand themselves and their business in a way that sets them apart. With so many products on the market, half of what it takes to get your business off the ground is having a marketable, interesting product. Unfortunately, the creators of these five products missed the memo. The best pitch in the world couldn’t save these items from being eaten alive by the sharks.
5. Elephant chat: Do you ever miss the way it felt when your mom made you and your sibling talk through a fight by taking turns whilst she presided? If so, you’ll love Elephant Chat. Except the elephant is your mom and you have to hold it while you air your grievances with your spouse. We wish we were kidding. Turns out the only “elephant in the room” was what a terrible idea this was.
4. 180 Cup: Every college students’ worst nightmare come to life, the 180 Cup is a plastic cup which, when flipped over, has a shot glass on the bottom. The problem lies in the constant flipping over of the cup. Spoiler alert: any party utilizing 180 Cup ends with more booze on shoes than in stomachs and will go down in history as the worst party ever.
3. Wake ’n’ Bacon: This wooden alarm clock cooks your bacon for you when it wakes you up. Now, stop and think about all the horrible parts of that sentence. Firstly, a wooden alarm clock is cooking bacon. We’re surprised that sentence itself didn’t just burst into flames, so it’s only a matter of time before someone’s home does. Secondly, that bacon will have to be loaded into the cooking mechanism before bed. That means breakfast now consists of bacon that sat, raw and waiting to be cooked, for hours in a bedroom. Lastly the proud, if not burned or food poisoned, victim/owner of the Wake ’n’ Bacon will now have a room which constantly smells like greasy bacon. This is the trifecta of breakfast horrors.
2. Ionic Ear: The only item on this list which will turn you into a cyborg, the Ionic Ear is a bluetooth headset which is fitted inside the human ear and charged at night. A quick one-time surgery means no more fussing with your Bluetooth headset or device.*
*Additional surgery required for all upgrades.
1. No Fly Cone: This super sleek cone sits on top of your dog’s poop to keep flies out of your yard! Magic! It’s almost as if properly disposing of dog mess will never be necessary again. Instead, dog owners can leave hundreds of little cones around their backyard and then… well… leave them there we guess. Maybe just stick with throwing it away.